Our first family vacation to Walt Disney World was
in the summer of 1989. I remember only a
few things about that trip. One is the
sweltering heat. Another is walking for
thirteen hours through capacity-level crowds in the Magic Kingdom. Yet another is my repeated insistence that
Cinderella Castle was a ride, and why
wouldn’t anyone take me on the castle ride?
WHY?!!!!!
And then, I remember Horizons (cue angel music).
Horizons, the awesome ride where you got to take a trip into the future and
unitard-clad animatronic people showed you things like robot butlers, exercise
equipment for use in zero gravity, and skyscrapers overlooking impossibly clean
cities full of happy future people. There
was an instrument that you played by hovering your hands above the right
keys. And an underwater city. And then, you got to choose your own adventure to get back to the present! Sigh.
It was one of my favorite rides.
True, my six-year-old self clearly did not understand the implications
of a future spent entirely in spandex.
Nor did she understand how quickly Horizons’ overly nostalgic portrayal
of the future would become dated and irrelevant. Now as an adult (in number only), I
definitely have a better idea of why this attraction was closed in 1999. But it’s still fun to daydream sometimes about
the “future that never was.” And to this
day, I miss the smell of oranges from the desert farm scene (although you can
get a similar citrusy whiff while gliding over the orange groves in Soarin’).
Ah, Horizons.
It’s definitely one of the most lamented extinct attractions in Walt
Disney World. And while it was one of my
favorites, it’s certainly not the only thing that I wish I could ride just one
more time. So, I’m going to take a trip
down memory lane and talk about some of my most-missed experiences throughout
the four theme parks. Who knows? Maybe we share a love for some of these
gone-by-the-wayside attractions, and can consume copious amounts of wine and
chocolate together while we cry into each others’ virtual shoulders.
Magic
Kingdom
Mr. Toad’s
Wild Ride: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know
that this ride is still alive and well in Disneyland. But it’s not in Walt Disney World, and I miss
it. Yes, the Pooh ride is fun (who
wouldn’t want to bounce like Tigger?) and more relevant. But I miss Toad and his little toady antics. I also miss the ridiculousness that was Toad
going straight to Hell for all of his aforementioned toady antics. Classic.
20,000
Leagues Under the Sea: Another
classic ride where you got to see underwater mermaids, treasure, and
Atlantis! I definitely miss it, but the
lines for this used to be beyond craaaaazy.
Mike Fink
Keelboats: Does anyone else remember
these? These were free-floating
flat-bottomed boats that brought guests on a guided paddle around Tom Sawyer
Island in Liberty Square. I only
remember riding these once, but our guide was hilarious, and the experience of
riding in a non-tracked boat may have sparked my love for rafting, canoeing and
kayaking. Or maybe not. Either way, these boats were a really fun way
to see the Rivers of America while not packed sardine-like on the Liberty Belle
or one of those super hot sun-scorched rafts they use to get you over to Tom
Sawyer Island. They shut down in 1997.
Exhibition
Hall: Originally sponsored by Kodak,
Exhibition Hall displayed interesting (and sometimes random) photography
exhibits. However, the real attraction
(at least in my opinion) was the mini movie theater where you could watch
classic Disney cartoons. There was
nothing like coming in, out of the heat after a long Magic Kingdom day, and
kicking back to watch Donald Duck get disproportionately pissed off about
something while Mom and Dad shopped for souvenirs for other people. Between you and me, I have a secret wish to
someday recreate that experience in my house.
Yes, I know I have a problem. No,
I will not get help for it. I can stop any time I want.
And now, it’s on to EPCOT
Horizons: But we’ve already been over that
one. Waaaaaah.
Wonders of
Life: Home to Body Wars, Cranium
Command, and several other smaller attractions (including Disney’s version of
“the birds and the bees” which pretty much scarred me for life – here I was, on
vacation…but I digress…). The Wonders of Life Pavilion was a fun, immersive, totally climate controlled reprieve from
the rest of the park. However, like many
other EPCOT pavilions, it lost sponsorship and most likely became too expensive
to maintain or update. Unlike many other
EPCOT pavilions, however, this one remains totally shut down with the exception
of during the Food and Wine Festival and other special events. Personally, I miss the corny 1980’s antics of
Cranium Command the most. Anyone else
remember Buzzy? Come on, you have to
remember Buzzy!
Test Track
1.0: Yes, you read that right. While I know the current version of Test
Track is more interactive and allows guests a view into the process behind
vehicle design, I preferred the first one.
I have many reasons for this. One
is that I LOVED the first Test Track.
Loved it. The queue was
entertaining, the pre-show just the right amount of hokey, and the ride a
funned-up version of actual vehicle testing processes. So, when I heard that Test Track was closing,
I was instantly nervous and, honestly, I think I was right to be so. I think that Test Track 2.0 is a cheap
redesign of what was once a really good ride.
It relies on easier to maintain screen technology and neon lights
instead of actual sets and moving parts, and it’s not really that well done. The queue is now a humongous advertisement
for Chevy. The one redeeming factor in
my eyes is that guests can design their own “sim-car” and then see how it holds
up to the “testing conditions” on the actual track. However, when we rode the ride in January of
2013, that feature wasn’t working – we did not once see our car while
riding. I’m extremely disappointed in
the new version of Test Track and I miss the old one.
The Living
Seas: While I love Nemo and company,
the redesigned attraction lacks the educational and “researchy” feel that the
old one used to have. I’ve also noticed
that there are far less aquarium residents than there used to be… Hmmm…
Journey
Into Imagination 1.0: Another long
lost friend that I still love with my whole heart. When Disney unveiled the second reincarnation
of this ride, I almost puked along with every other guest who’d ever seen the
first one. I feel like the current
version of the ride is quite a bit better than the last, and definitely
includes way more of Figment than 2.0, but it still lacks the grandeur that the
original had. However, I do sincerely
love the newer, slightly more obnoxious Figment character…
Disney’s
Hollywood Studios
Backlot
Studio Tour 1.0: This tour, although
still in operation, used to be waaaaay longer, and included many more stops
such as Residential Street, the special effects shop, and soundstages. I especially used to love dorking out in the
prop warehouse while waiting to board the tram.
It was awesome. Sadly, this tour
is now quite a bit shorter and you don’t see nearly as much, but the current
version is good enough that I’ll still sometimes ride it.
Magic of
Disney Animation: Sadly, this tour
became kind of defunct once the Studios was no longer a working production
facility. However, I have very fond
memories of watching animators work on various movies as well as meeting an
animator who would sketch characters in front of the tour group. It was a wonderful look into the process of
hand-drawn animation, and I definitely miss it.
Disney’s
Animal Kingdom
Tree of
Life Gardens: Yes, these still
exist, but they have far less variety than they used to. One used to be able to turn a corner and have
an up-close and personal encounter with an animal every other step. I’m wondering if the animals have been moved
for their health and/or well-being. If
that is the case, I completely understand why the gardens are often empty of
residents these days, and completely support Disney’s decision to move them.
Tarzan
Rocks: This super fun interactive
show with rollerbladers and acrobats was replaced by Journey Into the Jungle Book and then Finding Nemo: The Musical.
While I liked Tarzan Rocks,
both of the shows that came after it are excellent, and I can’t say that I
would replace Nemo with Tarzan. It’s
just nice to think about how much fun that show was.
Well, there’s my breakdown of my most missed
extinct attractions. Hope you enjoyed
this trip down Memory Lane. Did I miss
any of your favorites? Let me know what
you think?!
